Marluxia VS. Riku

[lastsanity]

Caste Oblivion, an ominous and mysterious structure that sprouted from splotches of red in the once Land of Departure, rested in a dark cloudy world. Its walls a dull yellow yet beautifully carved with blue spires adorned at the sides and top artistically as if there were towers built sideways on the walls. There were few windows festooned upon it, a few near the top and middle shining with a golden gleam. There was no life in this world except for two souls; one that rules the castle and one that was invited by its king as a guest. The former waited patiently superficially but eagerly internally for the entrance of the newcomer.

It was a tall but thin character with no skin visible under his dark clothes and under his black hood, his appearance contrasting with the perfect white walls of the interior, being whiter than snow. Behind him laid a massive door leading to the true Castle Oblivion, and in front of the lord was the single door to this room.

And beyond it was a young boy which possessed something he very much desired. So there he stood, awaiting ever so patiently, knowing that this individual will not likely go with his plan, which will cause a massive battle to ensue. But he was emotionless and confident… still like a hollow statue, not single breath or sound, not even from a heart. And plus… this was his home. If the young male who will soon enter through the doors decides to foolishly test his awesome power, it will only be more assured to fail.

[dhusted34]

If there was one thing that Riku could always count on, it was that the sun would always rise, and it would always set. The view from his usual seat upon the Paopu Tree was breathtaking, but his eyes were not fixed on the setting crimson. Riku was staring straight into a Dark Corridor. With no hesitation, he leapt from his throne and dove straight into the Darkness.

Riku felt as if his breath was never going to return when he suddenly exited through the other side of the portal. The boy shuffled a few steps forward, and then gazed up at the wondrous structure that stood mightily before him. "So, Marluxia, this is where your home is? I feel bad for you."

The blue trimmed golden front doors were calling to the young physical specimen. Riku shot his right hand out to the side and summoned Way to the Dawn. Slowly, he advanced on the archway. Both of the boy's feet now toed the surface of the doors. Riku breathed in one last breath of fresh air, and slammed the doors open with his left forearm.

Once inside, the boy remembered the place and could only chuckle. "GRAMPS! I'm here, why don't you come out to meet me?! Or do you want me to use those bogus cards again to fight?" Riku checked all of his surroundings and felt more relaxed than on his previous visit to this castle. Last time, he was a slave to Darkness. This time he was a guest of Light, and he would vanquish the Lord of this Castle. He tilted his head back and let out a shout at the top of his lunges. "MARLUXIA!!!!!!!!!"

With Way to the Dawn steadied above his head, Riku waited for Marluxia to greet him to the soon to be battle grounds.

[Eric Easy E Pelka]

Marluxia:
Post 1:
Grammar: Castle, Its walls were, a single
3.5
Style: internally eager, which would (not will), not an heart but his heart, who would not will soon enter, watch the use of it…it is a vague word and should be used only when all other words are expended, you didn’t use it a lot but the two times you did it could have been replaced with a better more descriptive word.

Other than these nitpicky issues the style is easy to read yet doesn’t shy away from using good vocabulary and interesting sentence structure…
7.5

Originality/ Skill: You did a good Job of setting up the scene describing the basics of the room, your characters motivations, and your combatant’s feelings. However I felt like the description could have been a bit deeper. For us arena audience members who are unfamiliar with the KH setting I still have questions about the castle. Is the interior completely white? Are there any pieces of furniture or outstanding features in the room? What does the door look like? Plus remember to use all your senses; smell, hearing, and touch included. My only other issue is you took a very passive approach as if you were an announcer in the arena rather than taking control of the character. Really get into the role take control of him…ALSO don't say where your opponent is before you really see him. Maybe Dylan wanted to start somewhere else.
12.5

23.5/30

Riku:
Post 1:
Grammar: Dark Corridor no capitals
4.5
Style: crimson setting not setting crimson, Use perch or another word rather than throne (Throne insinuates it has some special meaning to you or is an actual throne), Last Sentence: Greet him at the soon-to-be battle grounds, Watch the use of it at the beginning of your post; it is a dangerous word and becomes a crutch; try to reorder your sentence if necessary to eliminate the need for using the word it. Fall back on it only if necessary.

Otherwise easy, interesting read. Safe structure but it worked. Work on describing your characters voice when he speaks though
8


Originality/ Skill: Use all your senses…you did well with describing emotions and sights, although tell us about the walls not just the door, but you failed to give us scents, sounds, touches, they have to be there. Visceral description brings us completely into the character. Don’t be afraid to challenge your vocabulary too. Easy to read, well described, really gave me a good look into the character of Riku. Work on self description and utilizing other senses. I felt intrigued to keep reading, well done. On further review I also have noticed that you ignored Kilo's first post stating he was standing in the middle of the room you entered. Minor problem but pay attention next time.
12

24.5/30

AFTER ROUND ONE dhusted34 TAKES THE COVETED COMBAT POINT, RIKU HAS ADVANTAGE!!!
Dhusted34: 1
Lastsanity: 0

[lastsanity]

Just as expected, the adversary barged in not only quickly but rather briskly, not bothering to arrive secretly or take any time to enjoy the beauty of his glorious castle. The gargantuan doors behind the invitee creaked and slowly closed with a flutter of pink petals from nothingness as it thudded and echoed down the long corridor that both enemies were in. The newer entry was at the front end of the hall, and across the pearly white floor with blue diamonds decorating and eliminating a little but of the monotony of the inside. Clinging to the walls were a dozen pillars on each side, adding to the white and regal look to the attire. The still and more reserved member was atop a small flight of stairs leading to another pair of doors. The room was silent at first as Marluxia huffed quietly, the dark hood covering his face quivering from the puff of air. The room was neither cold or hot, with no heat from light and no cold from darkness. No scent of life and no stench of death. Finally, as the cogs stopped turning in the Organization XIII’s mind, he finally spoke.

“I am right here, Riku,” his voice was emotionless and stale, not ruffled or bugged from the rudeness of his words. “I am here just as you knew I would be, Riku. And you are here just as I knew you would be… Riku… you do not tease.” He said the young boy’s name with a marveled and almost jealous emphasis. The head inside the veil of darkness lowered a slight angle, the concealed eyes finding a new target. “The keyblade… You bring it out as if you offer it to a stronger wielder. The Keyblade's power... How I've longed to make it my own!" As he spoke, he theatrically animated his slight raise in his monotone voice, an attempt to convey emotions that he does not possess. A virtual sign that he had no heart beating in his chest… the bane of his existence. All Marluxia wanted was a heart… something even more powerful than him. He wanted to feel the miracle of love and to laugh with joy, and even cry with sorrow and wallow in depression. The only thing this body allowed him to do was feel hate and anger… festering and boiling anger that hid deep inside his hollow shell of a being, pretending to be the heart he desired. And he knew the one way to achieve a true heart… to be whole. It was the blade that rested in a boy who already had a heart… he had no use for it! However, the emotion that he should have felt was merely filtered out without his control. He was still blank and mellow.

“You seem to be happy to find me… but to find me in the Castle Oblivion is to lose me. And to bring your keyblade is to trade it for nothingness. To lose and claim anew, or to claim anew only to lose... Riku…” Marluxia then engulfs his being in a corridor of darkness from a pool of ebony beneath his feet shooting shadowy arcs that consume his entire form in an instant, a few glowing petal leaves fluttering in the oblivion’s wake, popping up promptly in the same fashion behind him and flying forward and phasing through his body like a phantom causing no arm to the keyblade wielder, and merely traveling back to the staircase if undeterred in his maneuver. As he would stop atop the flight of stairs in front of the door, he would hold up a blue card. “Your memories… You have lived with your heart valiantly in darkness… but in there, I found a single patch of light.” He turned it over for the young boy to see. It had a picture of a familiar small island on it.